Week 4
Postgame

Morgan was projected for 142.6 and delivered 112.38, which is a 30-point faceplant, and she lost by 2.5 to a guy who left Alvin Kamara and his 22.0 points on the bench. David Montgomery was projected 19.1 and gave her 5.3. George Pickens 9.5, Jordan Addison 8.7, Harrison Butker 6.0. Meanwhile Rome Odunze sat on her bench and scored 14.4, which is 11.9 more than the margin, so she lost this game in the lineup editor on Sunday morning. Jarrod won it with Romeo Doubs, a man projected for 9.9 who scored 22.3, because Jarrod does not win games, games happen to Jarrod. She's 3-1 and she can thank Montgomery for feeling like 1-3.

Four hundredths of a point. Beth lost by 0.04 with Sam LaPorta, the man her fucking team is named after, sitting on the bench scoring 20.4. Twenty point four. She needed 0.05. She beat her projection by 29 points, scored 147.46, the highest losing total in the league, got 36.8 out of Kyren Williams and 18.0 from a kicker, and lost anyway because she wouldn't start her namesake. Ryan survived on CeeDee Lamb's 37.9 and 29.1 from Emanuel Wilson while Parker Washington was projected 19.3 and scored 1.6. Ryan left 1.5 total on his bench. Beth left the entire margin plus twenty. That one's going to sting until January.

Chris dropped 155.08 on Lauren and won by 36.32, and it moves him all the way up to 1-3. Kenneth Walker 34.6, Nico Collins 28.8, Jonathan Taylor 26.2, Judkins 23.3 out of the flex, and he did it with Courtland Sutton giving him 1.4 and Jason Myers kicking for 5.0. That is a 155 with two dead slots. Lauren got 28.96 from Drake Maye and 23.3 from Zay Flowers and it bought her nothing, because Christian Watson went for 7.2 and her defense scored 6.0 and Tucker Kraft's 15.1 watched the whole thing from the bench. Both of these teams are 1-3. Only one of them deserves it.

Jared was projected for 151.0, the highest number on the board, and scored 107.74. Forty-three points of pure nothing. Rashee Rice posted a 0.0 in a starting slot, Amon-Ra St. Brown gave him 13.5, and his bench had 8.4 points on it total, so there was no bailout available because he built a roster with no floor and no ceiling and called it Agentic Fantasy Flows. Nicole beat him by 41.66 with Kyle Monangai, who was projected 11.7 and scored 33.5, and she did it while her tight end scored 1.2 and her defense scored 2.0. He also picked himself to win this game in pick'em. Three and one, and he has no business being there.

Ben put up 92.92, the worst score in the league this week, and the reason is sitting right there on his bench: Joe Burrow, 24.52, benched behind Brock Purdy's 22.12. His second-best starter was his kicker. Will Reichard, 19.0 points, out-scoring both of the tight ends Ben decided to start in a league with no tight end slot. Saquon Barkley 1.7. Davante Adams 6.2. Twenty-six points left on the bench in a 42-point loss, which at least means the bench wasn't the problem, the whole goddamn thing was. Holli rode Javonte Williams and Bijan Robinson for 63.3 and didn't need any of it. She's 3-1. He's 2-2 and dropping.

Zero and four. The commissioner of this league has not won a football game in a month. He was projected 135.4, scored 103.9, started Terry McLaurin for a 0.0, got 4.7 out of Garrett Wilson, and his second-leading scorer was Spencer Shrader, a kicker, at 16.0. Rhamondre Stevenson and his 19.7 sat on the bench while that happened. Ally beat him by 22.82 while starting Jordyn Tyson on IR for a guaranteed zero and leaving 27.9 on her bench, which is the real story here: Joey lost to a team playing with eight men and a 41.2 from Tetairoa McMillan. Team Ass. Correctly named, at least.